Shottingham

A tongue in cheek posting about Nottingham can be found in the link below. The author, obviously a student, quotes his Media Studies Teacher as saying Nottingham – Shottingham to be precise

He then goes on to say that

“Recent changes in local government policy have had a dramatic effect on the city’s population. Generations of deprivation, poor educational achievement, low expectations, poor healthcare, guncrime, poverty, injustice, decades of underfunding, urban decay, social eugenics, bad planning and sheer bloody stupidity within the City’s council of Warlocks have all been righted throughout Nottinghamshite, with the introduction of PR men to ensure any bad publicity is removed or challenged post haste. Costing almost half a million pounds PA, these public propaganda machines are still cheaper than actually fixing the problems faced by Europe’s biggest Utopia, and a pittance when compared to the ‘costs’ of certain local councillors.”

I have some sympathy with this view. Although it is true that there are great things about Nottingham, our City Council’s response to any criticism of the City appears to be a default “its not as bad as other cities of the same size” or “its not as bad as the media make out”.

Even if this is true it is about time the City Council concentrated on sorting out the problems there are. This is what will really change people’s views about the City. The blogger then goes on to say

“Nottingham is a wonderful city, which attracts a lot of attention from a lot of different people:

  • Muggers
  • Rapists
  • Gangsters
  • Chavs who wish they were gangsters
  • Drug Dealers
  • Labour supporters
  • Prostitues and “pimps”
  • The Sheriff of Nottingham
  • Twatty students from minor English private schools.
  • Web-footed football fans from the Championship underbelly.
  • Demons that crawled out of the black hole, aka Goths.”

And he describes the Notts Anthem as

The city of Notts, Notts, Notts. The city of Glocks, Glocks, Glocks. Every night i hear Gun shots, shots, shots,; But thats what its like when your living in Notts.

~ Game Cartel on Nottingham

He then outlines some of the less desirable places in Nottingham.

1. “Carlton Square – Has a Bargain Booze who ignore all predudices (mainly age).
2. Nottingham City Centre (By night) – Problems include, getting drunk, having someone a nice helping of Rohypnol into your beverage, being shot, being mugged, being chased by people, being arrested for nothing (see **), being raped and, most likely, being shot. Another common problem faced by people (and tourists alike) when out on the town in Nottingham is the famous “I’m not druggie!”-man, this fellow is old crumbie tramp who proclaims that he is in fact NOT a drug addict, and he proves this by lifting his sleeves 4 inches up for half of a second. He demands money and trys to flog you a “Bigger Shoe” while he’s at it…..”When in Rome do as the Romans do…” hit im in the face.

3. Also watch out for the notable town centre rambler “Wycliff” who offers to sing you a song for money. Rumour has it he went out with Danni Minogue and got far too much crack off her. He clearly has smoked too much crack but has a lovely voice. Ask him to sing you a song about crack and Danni, its one of his best.

4. Another familiar face in Nottingham, is Ozzy the tramp with the Australian accent. He is a well travelled man, and is always asking for money to fund a fictional train ride to London, his bus trip to Derby, or his flight to Ukraine.

To read more follow the link below.

 http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/Nottingham

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16 Responses to Shottingham

  1. Jason says:

    Lol what a croc of shit. I have lived in Nottingham for 22 years, it is often credited as the best place for shopping outside of London and I wouldn’t argue with that. The city is huge, buzzing, diverse and full of fun things to do. The high crime rates are due to fudging with the 2001 census population statistics, and the real crime rates are actualy below the national average.

    This article has clearly been written by some jelous, un-educated man from Derby or Leicester who is upset that their city is practically classed as a suburb of Nottingham

  2. KlHsu says:

    oh dear….but I thought what he said was pretty true! I was there fore 3 yrs at uni and oh my what an eye opener. I stayed away from the clubs and bars so was so luckily quite safe

  3. ya get meeeeeeee says:

    rarrrrtaaayyy wat ya onna bout blooood , shottingham is the best place to be especially if ya wnt to pik up prossys and a bag of brown…… yeah man best rates around 5 quid for hed 20 for sex ….. you jumped up little dweeb , if ya dont like it fuk off bk to where ya cum from cus ure obviously not from round here …… n if i ever found out who u r me and my fellow dolers will cum and write u offff ya get meeeeeee dan!!!!!!!

  4. beverly anne smith says:

    oh golly gosh , ive never herd so much boo hocky in all my entire life and that is a very long time , and i find the “hoodies” to be very kind and considerate , they regulary carry my shopping back from marks and spencers ill have you know , but not all ways my purse but thats fine because they do make up for it with the gigantic spliif nubs they leave on my doorstep , i am often out there picking them up sometimes i end up with a whole ten of nubs , yours sencireley beverly anne smith 82 of “shottingham”

  5. beverly anne smith says:

    shut the fornt door !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  6. pres says:

    Great post! Nice!

  7. paulo says:

    Hm. Have to disagree. I also stayed there for 3 years at university, did NOT avoid the bars and clubs and never had a serious problem with locals / chavs etc. Yes I’d known that crime rate was high but if you just take care of yourself chances are you’ll be ok (just like anywhere else, including London). Met some very nice ppl while I was there too.

  8. Gisella says:

    Who the effing ell are you?!

    Nottingham is one of the best places to live in the England.

    Maybe you should just piss off to where ever you came from, and if you are originally from around here, then piss off any way cause it’s twats like you, that give us and Nottingham a bad name.

    You obviously haven’t got a life, cause everyone I’ve met who has had a chance to stay here, luvs it.

    Clear off we don’t need you or the likes of you.

  9. The Dude says:

    Before people start pointing their fingers and saying this and that about Nottingham, why not try and get the facts first instead of going on about stuff that happened over half a decade ago, which was completely blown out of proportion anyway by the media.

    Nottingham has never been a bad city it just had a bad stick from the press, I’ve live here all my life, nearly 34 years now and never had a problem.

    I also went to University in Derby where I stayed there during the week and came home at weekends. I have nothing against Derby either. A great city, but due to the Westfield store opening it has took alot of buisness away from the other surrounding shops, which have moved to westfield or completely closed, which is a shame to see.

    I also used to be in a band based in Leicester and also my partner is from Leicestershire so we go the the city centre now and again shopping. Not a bad city either.

    All I can say is every city in the UK has it’s floors and rougher areas. Nottingham just happened to be the one that got that bad reputation within such a short amount of time and has in some peoples eyes, not mangaged to shrugg it off.
    But Nottingham is one of the cleanest cities in the UK and also now one of the safest too.
    http://www.nottinghamshire.police.uk/newsandevents/news/2011/april/12/video_force_sees_lowest_crime_rate_since_1981/

  10. Jon says:

    Anyone who says Nottingham is among ” the best cities in the world/UK ” then you obviously haven’t lived elsewhere. It’s a dire, desperate place, glad to get out, would never, ever go back.. full on inbred, rude ignorant folk in the city centre. I hate the place. End of.

  11. maria says:

    I can just agree with the intelligent people here, those who can actually write English and not gibberish and who have also done their homework, and by that I mean the one who wrote the article and Jon, Pres and KlHsu.

    Shopping city number one after London does not make Nottingham a safe city. How can anyone think that Nottingham is safe just because it is good for shopping? It just proves how ignorant some people are. Its like my university professor asking us at law school why the Euro was so good and an ignorant girl said it made it easier when you went shopping. How stupid and ignorant can you be? Yes, it is true that having the same currency makes shopping easier but it has nothing to do with law and neither has the shopping facilities in Nottingham with the large amount of crime committed here every year.

    I do not even thing Nottingham is that great when it comes to shopping nor restaurants, bars and other facilities compared to other cities I have lived in here in the UK and abroad. Nottingham has some amazing buildings but you cannot see that unless you look up at them. That is also all there is to this city.

    Nottingham has been the gun city number one in the UK and although the rather unintelligent police is doing a lot of work to solve that Nottingham is still a city riddled with crime.

    I have only lived in this city since January of 2004 and in that time been successfully burgled four times and had 16 other attempts. I also live next door to the MP of this area bordering Bullwell and Broxtow.

    My family was burgled the very first night we moved here and 7 months later I became the main suspect of the double murder of the Stirland couple as they stole my husband and my car but mine was the one used to carry out the murder. My car insurance went from 200 to almost 900 pounds a year as a result. I obviously never got my car back as you all know it was burned out. My husband and I were a sleep when several people broke into our property to get our car keys and also helped themselves to the keys to all doors and windows too in our house. It “only” cost us £1400 to fix that problem, but considering the replies here I guess I should be very happy.

    According to the replies here and from those who has lived in Shottingham for over 20 years I guess I should just shut my mouth and be happy with having my house burgled 4 times and have my garden vandalised all the other 16 times they tried to burgle us as obviously Nottingham is so safe and just like any other city in the UK.

    I could have gone to jail for this double murder if it had not been for the luck that my Norwegian friend came over to see me as I was devastated after having been burgled and our house completely ransacked for valuables that our insurance could not even cover as they stole so much of valuables.

    I am Norwegian myself and I had only lived in Nottingham for a few months, but in the UK for a long time as I love this country, and I did not know anyone other than my friends back in Norway who could come and stay with me.

    I have also the experienced of being attacked several times, being a model at the time does not justify it but can explain it of course, and in fact raped once here in Nottingham when I tried to help a young man from Nottingham and who had grown up here. I felt really sorry for him and he was just a few years older than my son so I saw him as a “child” like my son even though this man was 26 at the time. My son was then 22 years old.

    This young man pleaded his case and looked for a “mummy” as his own was not supporting him and let his father beat him up. My son was away at university so I felt I could step in and help this man as I had time on my hands.

    I found out he was living a lie and that all his friends did the same. They all claimed invalidity benefits but non of them were actually ill. A female friend of him claimed benefit because she said she had arthritis, did not have it of course, went dancing four nights a week and got a car too as she claimed she could not walk very far or at all most of the time. The man I tried to help had claimed his father had hit him over the nose with a fireplace poking stick that had crushed his nose so he could not breath properly. He claimed he had had surgeries but was left with a nasal speech that made him embarrassed. So he is given invalidity benefit for life. He told me himself that he had never wanted to work and thought people who worked were just stupid. He said he and his mates had all done the right thing in claiming benefits. The government pays for it so what is the big deal he said to me?

    Several times a week do we have the police helicopter over were we live trying to find some criminals who try and hide in the fields around where we live. I have never ever in my life had to experience this and all the things that have happened to us. I have also lived in different places of Nottingham. I have never in my life been burgled anywhere else in the UK and my family here, which is British are spread out all over the UK and they have never had any problems what so ever with crime and my son has lived in Stoke, Stafford, Chester and Nottingham in the UK, Madrid in Spain, Valletta in Malta, Amsterdam in the Netherlands and now Cork in Ireland. Nothing has ever happened to him except from here in Shottingham.

    Enjoying this city and never been affected does not make it a safer place to be and it is a city with a staggering high numbers of crime.

    Just get real about it and how about getting involved in trying to make it the safe and secure city that you only have in your imagination? That would benefit us all! I find Shottingham a very unpleasant place to live as I hate all the ugly council estates, the rubbish everywhere, the dirt everywhere, the lack of caring, the rudeness of people, the lack of moral and ethics.

    I am as an example the only one who lives on this very special compound where we are who actually looks after all the communal areas as well as our own plot. No one cares about anything else other than their very expensive cars and how close they can park to their front doors. I do all the weeding of a rather huge court yard, I clean out all the bins and bin area and the bins are all contaminated and when they are they just use yours as they know you will sort it out. All maintenance is carried out by me and that is of all kinds you can think of. I have never seen anything like this before and of course they never ever say thank you for all the work you do that is actually theirs to do in the first place.

    I am sure there are some people who care and I do know some but overall Shottingham is the right word for this city as it is nothing else than grim and shitty!

    This city cannot be justified for all its crime and lack of care, moral and ethic among its people what so ever. Denying it just shows that you belong to the group of people responsible for making Nottingham a Shottingham and one of the worst cities in the UK as you must be a criminal in order not to see and understand this in the first place.

    Let me know when you have had my experiences before you write anything in support of this place. I also love my pot plants and my house and garden but that does not make Nottingham a great city

  12. Rob says:

    Hi Maria

    Clearly youve had a bad experience living in Nottingham. ive lived here all my life and so have all my friends, all my family, and all my work colleagues. This may shock you but suprisingly none of us have been robbed, abused, raped, shot, or killed. Overall i love Nottingham it’s a great city with so much to offer.The fact you think its a shithole is your personal experience which i think that you;re really sad that you shared all that with the general public. If you hate Nottingham i suggest you just go and leave rather than pretend to be clever with your boring post that suggests you havent got a clue what youre on about and that Nottinghams better off without you

  13. RT says:

    I’ve lived in Nottingham all my life and just moved away for uni – can’t wait to come back though, it’s such a great city with a mix of quirky people from all over the place who are mostly very proud to live here. I’ve lived in a few different areas in Notts including the city centre and I only had one or two minor difficulties with crime when I was younger, being hit a few times and my mates beaten up but nothing stolen. There are loads more police out on a Friday and Saturday night than ever before and everyone I know feels pretty safe. Yeah, it’s loud and messy, but mostly good-hearted fun and I’d not change it for anythiing.

  14. charles hogg says:

    I agree with Maria I have lived in shitingham for 21 years the people are unfriendly and rude the police are complete twats if you criticise anyone from here they get totally up themselves and Rob I bet you have never lived anywhere else in your whole life you little Nottingham gobshit I have never been mugged but a few have tried I am Scotts when they hear my accent they tend to shit there pants and back off one guy tried to glass me in a pub once cos I was having a quiet drink he went away in an ambulance another thing they think there so hard and worldly get back on your council estate boys I will be leaving in three weeks for good cant wait twenty years ago it had its probs but now it has gone to the dogs they don’t seem to have any morality or decency cant wait to get out.

  15. Atif Muneer says:

    Nottingham does have a lot of flaws. It is the 3rd dumbest city in the UK, has the highest crime rate in the UK, has the worst healthcare in the UK despite having the fourth biggest hospital.

    But it has endless opportunities for a range of people… I have lived in Wakefield a city over-shadowed by Leeds and has no identity for itself with an unemployment of 24% in 2015 even though it is the 2nd most intelligent city in the UK. Wakefield is 99th for retail rankings, has no University, has a multi-culturalism percent at less than 1% and is full of nothing.

    Nottingham has the third highest University student population, is 6th in the retail rankings and only has 6.4% unemployment. With an ethnic population at 36%.

    The producer of this website is clearly not of Nottingham, or hasn’t experienced life anywhere else.

  16. Robin Hood says:

    Probably written by a failed student that could not get in to a red brick uni WANKER

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